Ms. Write
1 Lady, Sweet 2B
Somewhere, On Earth 77777
Dear Ms. Write,
Transcending Mundane offers its respects of your fine personal traits. We feel at this juncture, that both entities would benefit greatly and prosper following a merger. We propose monogamous services as follows: Transcending Mundane will provide financial, emotional and intellectual support over an indefinite period, terminated by mortality, for reciprocation of the same.
Hereafter is a breakdown of support services:
-Financial — Each party will logically dole monies to the other in times of need (or strong desire), with argument and interruption at a minimum.
-Emotional — Each party will empathetically offer confidement and console to the other in times of need.
Intellectual — Each party will offer sound and logical advice, without egotistical and omniscient adamance, to the other as guidance from wrongdoing.
Services included in this proposal are complete fidelity, monogamy, piety and devotion, having and holding through both ailment and soundfulness, and occasional shoulder rubs. Also included are kisses at stoplights, impromptu lovemaking, compliments, laughter and quality time.
Quality time, being defined as time spent as a couple in the absence of strain, shall be allocated in a minimum mandatory frame as follows:
-Daily — Shared shower; late evening hours
-Weekly — One lunch during business hours; one night out for dinner and entertainment
-Monthly — Two erroneous drives for scenery change; one shopping trip
-Annually — One over-budget vacation; one breakfast spent accepting apologies for a big "oops;" one bout of mindless intoxication with included self-embarrassment; one miraculous recovery from a hyper-blowout disagreement; one big change for the better.
Services yet to be negotiated are cooking, dishes, laundry, landscaping, grunt work, general repair and toilet seat position.
All of the terms in this agreement shall be bound in love and an earnest attempt at understanding. If the afore mentioned terms are acceptable and of high probability for followthrough, please return a copy to us with a lip approval.
Largely interrogative,
Transcending Mundane