Well, the ski season really seems to be winding down to the end. Soon it will be time for mud, time for early-season dog feces to thaw, and the annual flux of Telluride residents. Two young women living at Big Billy's, Sharon Aroom and Cheryl Yershit claim, "We hate each other, and now we just want to go home." And who could blame them. With next door neighbors like Ralph Hard and Heath Rewup, who needs to live where steam cleaners dare not to go?
Meanwhile up at the Peaks, the uniquely vague couple, Herm Afrodite and Ann Droginous have announced they are to be married in September. We would suggest that they name their first child Pat, but that would be assuming gender.
Some ladies were laughed out of a certain bar for wearing furs; not only was Luke Adat heckling, but Ida Dunnit too. What a shame.
We look forward to the upcoming Telluride Olympics to take place this summer.
It's gonna be a knock-down, drag-out competition between the Telluride Canines and the Mountain Village Hound Pounders. Mountain Village seems like it won't have a chance in the FBTSTLT—the Freebox Tennis Shoe Telephone Line Toss; not with fierce competitors like Amanda Merthanme, Buddy Diddit. Then again, the Hound Pounders have the corporate tug all wrapped up with Irene Eggoshiate and Helen Wheels. Good luck to all.
Now did ya'll check out who was together at the highschool spaghetti dinner? Minnie Skert and Les Izmore were clinging like beginners downloading chair seven. The kids were great, but have we ever heard of Noxema? The word zits doesn't even describe kids like Ward Ovchicks and Frank Lee Ugly. And I'd say Wanda Howmutch was wearing just a tad too much makeup.
The gossip is flying after the scandal between Hugh G. Rection and Connie Lingus. Skip Foreplay would not comment after counseling from his lawyer, Jack Mahogoff; but Barry Dabone let it fly to Mike Hunt, our inside source. Further information to be disclosed tomorrow by Mark Mywerds.
We would like to salute the Telluride Fraternity Choppa Choppa Gramma for their ongoing efforts. May the windows of fortune blow back your way.
And to the other phat frat, Gotta Bagta Sel: we congratulate Cecil O'Cybin and R. Yewhi on their recent finish of the Boston Marathon. Nice work boys.
We were sorry to see jaywalking tickets issued to Norm Alday and Sam Alchit, but you know guys, you have to play by the rules.