by Tommy Kirchhoff
Obviously, skiing is best when you're vertical... and alone. You smoke beforehand; then you put your clothes on.
Next you head outside. At this point, if you play with your equipment, it honestly won't help your performance.
Your bindings are to keep everything together, but they're by no means for anything kinky.
Now things get tricky. Of course, there is a certain amount of phallic symbolism to a ski, but remember also that skis are meant to bend. (And, you put wax on a ski to slide, but only in one direction.)
Once on the chairlift, you climb higher and higher, but the best part is coming down.
The snow is a thing of soft and sensual pleasure, but it's also very, very cold.
In skiing, the faster the better.
You try to go all day and sleep all night.
If you happen to catch air, you don't need to say excuse me. But most importantly, all out of bounds chutes will be marked.
And why skiing is...
You begin carefully and slowly, as if to warm up and heed caution from injuries. As you ever so gradually pick up speed, cognition fades away.
You drop out, turn on and tune in. You can see what's going on and feel the terrain, but thinking turns to Zen. Endless repetition of direction change is a slow-motion exhilaration that is in no way monotonous.
Hot and cold; pleasure and pain; vigor and exhaustion all become one as the blood is rushing and cheeks are flushing. The physical tension of wreathing and breathing stir into the mix and add to the wish that the run would never end.
Whew! I can't wait to get back up there.
But honestly, outerwear is key, and knowing how to handle ice is the total difference between a novice and an expert.